I don't usually write about my job in communications, but I'm trying to get back to my love of blogging in 2014, and this is what's on my mind right now.
3) I'm choosing to stay in the maze - Last week I had a conversation with someone close to me who is currently out of work, and we've had our share of heart-to-hearts on the matter. Yet this week in one of our longest conversations on the subject, I talked her through the following: "Think of your job search as a maze. You think there is only one exit, but in reality there are a thousand exits. You could look further away from your home... which you don't want to do, so you choose to stay in the maze. You could move and find a job... again you don't want to do that, so you stay and close off those exits. You could take a role in some other industry doing something other than what you were doing. You're self-eliminating those exits that exist all around you." I recognize that I'm staying in my own maze, idling in my job, by choice. I have to own that.
I've held the same position for about 5 years now, and while people around me, and our organizational structure has changed, my role has stayed much the same. We don't have a lot of people at my company who do what I do, which is hard for development and idea sharing, but I've made it work, and for the most part have enjoyed honing my skills on my own accord. And with the craziness of my own personal life, I was feeling like just paying the bills and doing my job to the best of my ability at that moment was enough. However, in 2013, as I finally settled into the routine of being a working mother of two, I've began to feel the itch to grow more at work. We read Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In (which I enjoyed much more than I thought) and I did some soul searching on wanting to do more in my work path than I've done. I've talked to my manager, and manager's manager. I've talked to friends, coworkers, and read about things online. The work is enjoyable, but not really challenging.
That's why, last Monday, after really coming back to work after such a lovely long holiday break, I was really not feeling the excitement of being at work. I wanted to want to be here - and didn't mind the task of actually coming to work - but there hasn't been anything really exciting and new to do. Unfortunately I'm one of those "you can read it on my face" kind of people, so the week didn't start out really well for me. Then a few things hit home for me, and left my week ending much better than it started:
1) I can seriously do anything I want to do - Towards the end of last year, I participated in a workplace contest on innovation, and my idea came in tied for second place. I thought it was over, until the patent attorney contacted me and asked me for more information. I humbly explained that I was no engineer, and thought he was required to contact me for paperwork reasons, so I emailed some more of the details on my ideas for a product I know very little about. Apparently I knew enough though, because he replied back with "Your ideas are definitely patentable... You could easily be an engineer if you wanted to." Now I've been to college, and may go back for a higher degree at some point, but I had not thought that it was in the realm of possibilities... until now. I probably won't go back for an engineering degree - but that actually made me realize that I can still do anything I want to do.
2) I may actually be overqualified for what I do now- Supporting the first point, at the end of the week a visiting coworker and I got into one of those "how's it going" conversations that end up in hushed whispers in an unused corner of our building. In our sharing, she came out and told me that she, for a long time, had felt I was overqualified for my job. Plain and simple. This person has never once placated me, in fact I was previously of the opinion that she maybe didn't like me all that much. That simple line gave me all the validation I didn't even know I needed so badly. I had been doubting myself for so long! My hard work had not gone unnoticed! I WAS doing a good job - and should never have doubted myself. I first felt these types of revelations in Sandberg's Lean In, and I'd heard compliments like this before from a few others, but doubt still lingered. Now I knew I had to claim that compliment - even if I choose to stay where I am.
3) I'm choosing to stay in the maze - Last week I had a conversation with someone close to me who is currently out of work, and we've had our share of heart-to-hearts on the matter. Yet this week in one of our longest conversations on the subject, I talked her through the following: "Think of your job search as a maze. You think there is only one exit, but in reality there are a thousand exits. You could look further away from your home... which you don't want to do, so you choose to stay in the maze. You could move and find a job... again you don't want to do that, so you stay and close off those exits. You could take a role in some other industry doing something other than what you were doing. You're self-eliminating those exits that exist all around you." I recognize that I'm staying in my own maze, idling in my job, by choice. I have to own that.
4) Fulfillment doesn't have to come from work- In this same conversation, I shared that I have been praying for her nightly asking God to help her find a role that meets her financial needs while ideally also providing her personal fulfillment. Meeting the first is easier than the second; that's why people will often work two or three jobs. Having A job and not THE job may not be the big dollars, but it would help her stay where she's at. And unfortunately, many people don't have jobs that meet the second point of being the dream job or even just fulfilling them. While I recognize that lots of people choose to leave jobs that don't fulfill them (hence choosing to go back in the maze), sometimes just getting out of the maze is better than staying in it. For her position, a job that required a lot of paperwork and excel spreadsheets, there is superficial fulfillment there. I know for a fact that she has done a lot more fulfilling work in her life than excel spreadsheets, especially while volunteering. If she's open to it, she could do a lot of good in this world, even if it wasn't through work. I know I need to heed my own advice on that one.
5) "The smallest good deed is greater than the grandest intention" (unknown)- Over the past year - maybe longer, I've struggled a lot with finding the ideal intention. To find that show-stopping way I can give back. I didn't just want to find a charity, I wanted to figure out my purpose, my great gift to this world. I want to help everyone, yet I seem to have too little money, too little time, or only small ways to help that would be unmemorable tomorrow. So I did nothing. And finally, this year when I realized there were situations when I couldn't do anything for the cause even if I had all the money in the world, so I took the chance to pray for an intervention. To my amazement, it seems that actually praying - and I mean on my knees, tears on my face praying, has helped on several occasions. So as I posted last week, I have begun to try and do a little more with small gifts of charity. These aren't the types of gifts that would be impressive to anyone really, $25 here, $50 there, a bag of donations when it made sense. Yet doing something - even if it is small - feels better than doing nothing and just waiting for answers. Maybe I need to apply that to my career and to finding my path to personal fulfillment. The grand plan doesn't have to be figured out yet - just moving a little feels better.
With these revelations, my week ended on a high note. I feel energized and looking forward to what lies ahead. I'm going to claim responsibility for my career and for my path outside of work. I'm going to try and not doubt myself as much. I'm going to continue to pray and still do small things, even if they are forgettable tomorrow.
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