Energizing my spirit

I don't usually write about my job in communications, but I'm trying to get back to my love of blogging in 2014, and this is what's on my mind right now. 

I've held the same position for about 5 years now, and while people around me, and our organizational structure has changed, my role has stayed much the same. We don't have a lot of people at my company who do what I do, which is hard for development and idea sharing, but I've made it work, and for the most part have enjoyed honing my skills on my own accord. And with the craziness of my own personal life, I was feeling like just paying the bills and doing my job to the best of my ability at that moment was enough. However, in 2013, as I finally settled into the routine of being a working mother of two, I've began to feel the itch to grow more at work. We read Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In (which I enjoyed much more than I thought) and I did some soul searching on wanting to do more in my work path than I've done. I've talked to my manager, and manager's manager. I've talked to friends, coworkers, and read about things online. The work is enjoyable, but not really challenging. 

That's why, last Monday, after really coming back to work after such a lovely long holiday break, I was really not feeling the excitement of being at work. I wanted to want to be here - and didn't mind the task of actually coming to work - but there hasn't been anything really exciting and new to do. Unfortunately I'm one of those "you can read it on my face" kind of people, so the week didn't start out really well for me. Then a few things hit home for me, and left my week ending much better than it started: 

1) I can seriously do anything I want to do - Towards the end of last year, I participated in a workplace contest on innovation, and my idea came in tied for second place. I thought it was over, until the patent attorney contacted me and asked me for more information. I humbly explained that I was no engineer, and thought he was required to contact me for paperwork reasons, so I emailed some more of the details on my ideas for a product I know very little about. Apparently I knew enough though, because he replied back with "Your ideas are definitely patentable... You could easily be an engineer if you wanted to." Now I've been to college, and may go back for a higher degree at some point, but I had not thought that it was in the realm of possibilities... until now. I probably won't go back for an engineering degree - but that actually made me realize that I can still do anything I want to do. 

2) I may actually be overqualified for what I do now- Supporting the first point, at the end of the week a visiting coworker and I got into one of those "how's it going" conversations that end up in hushed whispers in an unused corner of our building. In our sharing, she came out and told me that she, for a long time, had felt I was overqualified for my job. Plain and simple. This person has never once placated me, in fact I was previously of the opinion that she maybe didn't like me all that much. That simple line gave me all the validation I didn't even know I needed so badly. I had been doubting myself for so long! My hard work had not gone unnoticed! I WAS doing a good job - and should never have doubted myself. I first felt these types of revelations in Sandberg's Lean In, and I'd heard compliments like this before from a few others, but doubt still lingered. Now I knew I had to claim that compliment - even if I choose to stay where I am. 

3) I'm choosing to stay in the maze - Last week I had a conversation with someone close to me who is currently out of work, and we've had our share of heart-to-hearts on the matter. Yet this week in one of our longest conversations on the subject, I talked her through the following: "Think of your job search as a maze. You think there is only one exit, but in reality there are a thousand exits. You could look further away from your home... which you don't want to do, so you choose to stay in the maze. You could move and find a job... again you don't want to do that, so you stay and close off those exits. You could take a role in some other industry doing something other than what you were doing. You're self-eliminating those exits that exist all around you." I recognize that I'm staying in my own maze, idling in my job, by choice.  I have to own that. 

4) Fulfillment doesn't have to come from work- In this same conversation, I shared that I have been praying for her nightly asking God to help her find a role that meets her financial needs while ideally also providing her personal fulfillment. Meeting the first is easier than the second; that's why people will often work two or three jobs. Having A job and not THE job may not be the big dollars, but it would help her stay where she's at. And unfortunately, many people don't have jobs that meet the second point of being the dream job or even just fulfilling them.  While I recognize that lots of people choose to leave jobs that don't fulfill them (hence choosing to go back in the maze), sometimes just getting out of the maze is better than staying in it. For her position, a job that required a lot of paperwork and excel spreadsheets, there is superficial fulfillment there. I know for a fact that she has done a lot more fulfilling work in her life than excel spreadsheets, especially while volunteering. If she's open to it, she could do a lot of good in this world, even if it wasn't through work. I know I need to heed my own advice on that one. 

5) "The smallest good deed is greater than the grandest intention" (unknown)- Over the past year - maybe longer, I've struggled a lot with finding the ideal intention. To find that show-stopping way I can give back.  I didn't just want to find a charity, I wanted to figure out my purpose, my great gift to this world. I want to help everyone, yet I seem to have too little money, too little time, or only small ways to help that would be unmemorable tomorrow.  So I did nothing.  And finally, this year when I realized there were situations when I couldn't do anything for the cause even if I had all the money in the world, so I took the chance to pray for an intervention. To my amazement, it seems that actually praying - and I mean on my knees, tears on my face praying, has helped on several occasions. So as I posted last week, I have begun to try and do a little more with small gifts of charity. These aren't the types of gifts that would be impressive to anyone really, $25 here, $50 there, a bag of donations when it made sense. Yet doing something - even if it is small - feels better than doing nothing and just waiting for answers. Maybe I need to apply that to my career and to finding my path to personal fulfillment. The grand plan doesn't have to be figured out yet - just moving a little feels better. 

With these revelations, my week ended on a high note. I feel energized and looking forward to what lies ahead. I'm going to claim responsibility for my career and for my path outside of work. I'm going to try and not doubt myself as much. I'm going to continue to pray and still do small things, even if they are forgettable tomorrow. 

Giving Back: December 2013 and January 2014

With all the generosity that Christmas brings from others to our family, as well as the gift of his promotion in September, my husband and I have decided to pick a charity for giving each month in 2014. I have been feeling guilty about the limited time and funds we've given in the past - especially with how good God has taken care of us. It's been a little here or there, but not enough for me to feel sated. Maybe writing it down this year will help.

We actually started right away by giving in December, where we gave a small donation to a fellow blogger who was raising funds to purchase new infant equipment for a local children's hospital they visited. Since its not a non-profit status, but was just a fund raiser, we weren't able to match the gift through our company, but we did see the photos of all the new baby rockers and chairs purchased, which should make anyone stay a little more comfortable.

In addition, we donated to our church, canned goods to two food drives, and a car-load of clothes and house hold items to two local thrift stores (local ones, not a large Goodwill / Salvation Army) that directly benefits other charities we have supported in our town. Lastly, we cleaned out some of our own baby-swings, seats and play mats and gave them to a teenager-pregnancy support group.

Now that it's January, we were blessed to give another $50 (which this time we can match 100% through my company) to our local food pantry / soup kitchen. I've volunteered there once before stocking food in the pantry, organizing their cold storage and vegetable donations and ladling food to the hungry. If they had more open hours outside of my work schedule, I'd volunteer there every month. Happily, my mom has also been donating to the same pantry once a year for a few years now. We're all so glad to have full refrigerators and heat, it felt very good to give to others. As a bonus, I'm scheduled to give blood to the red cross next week.

I'm still looking for a charity to focus on as our "premier" charity, but at least we're finally acting on our desire to give back.

Easy Life

Today I got up at 6 am to make pancakes, take a conference call, watch 20 minutes of TV with my kids, put on their shoes and then their dad took them to school. I followed by cooking chili while I'm on another conference call, then took 5 minutes to make some pumpkin dip. I had DVR on while I wrote a few pages for my work at the computer. My mom stopped for five minutes to by to bring by food she had made, even though she lives 25 minutes away.
 
This weekend and earlier today I was feeling overwhelmed at all that wasn't done. The dishes, the laundry, the cracks in the wall of our 100 year old home, the dusty floors. I was overwhelmed by getting dinner on the table between some really horrid tantrums (by both the kids and me). I want to figure out how to get it all done.  Building on that, I was subsequently overwhelmed by the sad beautiful writings by dedicated moms and dads I see posting on Facebook about their sick kids who are the same age as mine. I want to magic all those incomprehensible pains and fears away. I am frustrated with the conflict in my heart which wants to have it all figured out, but knowing in my head that doing that just isn't possible. I was overwhelmed, as I so often let myself get by the what isn't, that I forget what is.

Thankful does not even begin to express what I feel this month. I'm thankful for a dedicated, loving husband whose gifts are inspiring. I'm thankful for my two beautiful, healthy, joyful kids. I'm thankful for money enough to pay the bills and food enough to throw away leftovers in my fridge.  I'm thankful for this old home, oil to heat it and a new porch.  I'm thankful for a great job - especially since it's one that lets me work from home once a week, encourages us to seek new ways to close the gender gap and be innovative. I'm thankful for great medical care, wifi, iphones and two good cars. I'm thankful for a dog on my couch and cats on the chairs. I'm thankful for siblings who are a little weird and amazingly loving. I'm thankful for this easy, happy life.

I forget that I'm not the one who gave all this to myself; God did. I am pained that I can't make other people's problems - job loss, sick kids, financial troubles, war, abuse - go away; God can. I'm praying that I'll find a real way to make a difference to those people who don't have these same blessings I've been given... and that it will be obvious where I can best be used to serve. Again, I'm thankful for this easy, happy life... I just need to open my heart and mind so that I can realize how to best share these blessings with others.

I caved in and weighed myself.

This week has been ridiculous. In addition to the regular daily requirements of full-time working girl and full-time mom, we completely redid our front porch over three days. I have also been preparing for my boy's second birthday party - cleaning, crafting, shopping. On top of all that I am finishing up the last week of INSANITY. I went out with friends and have tried to make time to talk to family. I'm burning the candle at both ends to get all this done: up at 5:30 or 6 and to bed at 11:30 or midnight. 

On Wednesday morning, after three weeks of not weighing myself I looked in the mirror and liked what i saw, so I caved. I weighed myself. I had gained half a pound. My first thought was "darn." Followed by "you idiot, I told you not to weigh yourself." Oops. What I should have done to satisfy my curiosity is go and measure myself. I think I let the stress of the week get to me. Surprisingly I don't feel that sad - or maybe even that surprised - about the half-a pound gain.  I immediately went to measure myself and make myself feel better. I have lost another 1/2 inch off my waist and hips in these three weeks. I was hopeful about the weightloss, but am somehow I'm okay without it.  I have four workouts and a fit test left in this round of INSANITY. 

But my question still remains: why am I not seeing results in the weight loss? Obviously I'm eating just the right amount to fuel and maintain my body. I have tried SO HARD to eat better- greek yogurt, tea and toast for breakfast. Fruit only for snacks. Homemade crockpot meals, salads and soups for lunch or dinner. I drink nearly no alcohol (think 1/2 or 1 beer on average a month). I the past three weeks I've eaten almost no sweets, with the exception of 3 cookies, 2 fig newtons, 1 piece of pumpkin pie, three homemade Nutella rugelach, one tablespoon of ice cream. I indulged twice on Fritos (probably 1-1/2  or 2 servings each time). In the past I could have eaten all of that every other day! 

Unfortunately with how busy we were working on the front porch I made my biggest mistake by allowing myself to eat from a restaurant six times during the past three weeks. That was definitely not a part of my pattern for the past six or seven months. One of the eat-out times was breakfast with the family (potatoes, toast and eggs). The other times I chose to eat pizza, Chinese stirfry, a chicken cheese steak, a wrap and a mushroom chicken sand which with French fries. I had one beer at home and two glasses of wine when I was out with friends.  With the exception of feeling salt-heavy, I have loved every minute of each of those meals. 

So now what?!? I'm still getting toned even though I'm not losing weight, so maybe I need to be okay with that. I'm still in the ideal weight zone for my height and age, and only really wanted to lose 10 pounds.  I'm actually really happy with the way I look with one exception - my stomach. I shared my annoyance with my equally health-conscience sister who quoted a friend, "abs are not made in the gym, but in the kitchen." I love that idea. I do feel I eat really well now - everyone at work mentions it. To me it's much better than I used to, but when I look at my belly there is obviously room for improvement. I will not starve myself. While I do better when I don't allow myself even a taste, I will not go without any one item (meat, carbs, dairy, junk food). I am not a cleanser or a shake-for-lunch type of girl. I need something that's sustainable and affordable. I need to eat what my kids eat. However, I believe I am carb-heavy (which means they are as well) and need to start changing that balance to more veggies, beans, and lean proteins. I should be eating my fill on those instead. Along with that, I probably need to adjust my use of sugar, salt and sauces to make those items taste good. This weight may be my new reality so most of all, I probably just need to relax and let this fitness journey take the time it needs to take.

I stuck with the INSANITY program and it has worked, but I whine like a toddler and want to throw it out the window every single day before I do it. Part of it is the length of these tapes and I'm exhausted every night.  Part of it is the inflexibility to allow for other personal commitments. I have come back from going out with friends at 10 pm and still done my workout. I have skipped cleaning up my house because I have to workout (which makes me anxious and unfulfilled. I have rushed my kids to bed without the relaxed atmosphere I want because I've been anxious about the time left in the day to work out. 

Unfortunately I haven't grown to love those videos- just the results. I love the way I look, the energy I have, the feeling of accomplishment, and the daily "live-in-the-moment-nothing-else-matters" me-time. I don't want to lose ANY of that. I think I need a small break to remember the good I felt about the program. I AM considering doing another round of it and I definitely will need something to keep me going through the winter. I'm torn between buying a used elliptical (so I can continue to workout at night while the kids are sleeping, and maybe catch up on my books or my favorite TV shows that have come back on!) or buying T-25 for the 25 minute workout.  I'm leaning towards the elliptical if I can find the right deal.

My plan for just next week is to first: buy new shoes and a few new bras. Then develop a way to learn more about lifting weights - maybe signing up at a class at the YMCA, do Yoga once and run three times. I miss running so much and the weather is beautiful right now. The week afterwards I'll see if I want to do another video workout as a filler or something else in addition to that. 

Food Addictions and Exercise Results

I have an addiction to junk food. I'm sure its one many people can identify with. I am sitting at my right now desk working and getting distracted by the thoughts of chocolate bars, rice crispy treats, cookies and Hershey's kisses. I'm so distracted that I have to get up for water - tea - anything. But there are vending machines and free food at people's desk. I get back to my desk and give myself a little hug. 

Not every day is like this, but many are. I have never been on a diet. I'm tall, so despite my "addiction" I look lean. Most of the time, I can still fit into clothes I've worn since college, and occasionally high school. Because I was lean I never really thought I had a problem. I openly joke that I am always the first one snacking at parties - and would finish more than most of the other guests. I usually would finish my plate when we would go out to eat - to the point of being uncomfortable. I don't mind eating a bag of Easter chocolates or even diving head first into a jar of unopened icing every now and then. I realized that my relationship with food was bad when, several years ago as I was still living at my mom's house, I came home one day from work and found the last slice of Papa Johns pizza gone. I had been DREAMING about it since early that morning. I NEEDED that papa johns pizza. Nothing else would do. I subsequently threw a toddler-like tantrum in the hallway upstairs - crying myself into a heap in the corner. Yeah - it surprised me to. 

Perhaps it shouldn't have surprised me though; I have a very addictive personality. When I was a kid I was so involved with the TV that my mom would take it away as a punishment. I remember the agony of being without TV for even minutes - and I would sneak to the top of the stairs, lay down on my stomach and peek down between the balusters to watch from the reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. It didn't matter what was on - I just needed to watch. I can remember so many moments as I grew up thinking - this is crap and I should turn it off, but I just kept watching. In college, my addictions often came in the form of the computer (I would play Myst for hours and stayed up for 48 hours teaching myself how to code in HTML) or obsessive reading (I read each of the Harry Potters in one night a piece). 

Since college, I've seen a small shift in my health. Being exposed to so many people from different backgrounds - and having to fend for yourself day in and day out, I found small areas to improve my overall diet - and more importantly the way I think about food.  In college, I needed to give up something for the forty-days of Lent and decided the HUGE soda (think 24oz) I was drinking every day would be a good challenge. It was. And afterwards I haven't really looked back. My tastes changed somewhere along those weeks I can hardly finish a single can of soda now. I knew there was other things I could do to improve my habits. During and after college I've looked to my friends and slowly started to try other new things that they did- Chinese food - wheat bread (we lived on Stroehmanns White Bread growing up) - 1% milk - greek yogurt. At the same time, I realized while I didn't like team sports, I really enjoyed a runner's high and sometimes being the strongest girl in the room. A few years post-college I trained with my husband for our first 5K. When my kids were born I realized how much stuff I ate that I would never feed them. We pureed our own baby food (which is ridiculously simple). We offer healthy snack options and look at all of the ingredients in everything we buy. 

After gaining 60 pounds with my second pregnancy, I breastfed my way back to my pre-baby weight. Unfortunately as the nursing slowed down my calorie intake and eating habits remained. I gained back fifteen-plus pounds from my pre-baby weight and stayed there for more than a year. Even when I had slimmed down entirely (before putting the fifteen-plus pounds on), most of my pre-baby clothes still didn't fit. As a cover-up I went shopping at the local thrift store to get some (really nice brand names like Calvin Klein) temporary jeans that fit. I struggled with my body image like so many do, and continued to improve various parts of my eating habits - putting a nearly complete halt to eating out and cooking more at home. Again, my tastes changed and I could not eat out even when we tried - food from my favorite chain restaurants like the Outback actually tasted gross. I ran sporadically, but most of my down time was spent in front of the TV, a book or sleeping. 

Then my company started the GCC - global corporate challenge - a 10,000 step a day team-based program. I had participated twice before, but lost momentum after a few weeks and never had any consistency with the 10,000 steps a day. I started running with my co-workers and from the end of May until September kept with a 10,000 step a day program. This often meant walking in place (or back and forth in my room) every night at 9, 10 or 11 pm to get the steps in. It was exhausting but for some reason I kept with it. Then the program held a 100,000 steps in a week challenge. After the first few days I thought all hope was lost (I was only pulling in 10-11,000 each day) but again, for some reason I decided to ramp it up and get it done - needing 14,500+ steps a day. I was bringing healthy snacks to work and I finally lost my first few (about 3-4) pounds. 

As you may imagine, walking in place was taking forever (we don't have an elliptical or anything)- and was painfully boring. I said my prayers walking. I watched TV walking. I brushed my teeth walking. My mind was telling me - this is insane - you don't need to do this!! So when my husband was on a business trip, I picked up his copy of INSANITY - the Shaun T. workout by Beachbody. My brother-in-law had lost a significant amount (70+) pounds on the program, and had started an on-line community for people getting fit.  I had tried a few of the workouts with my husband the year before, so I knew the extreme level of the program. I also thought that if I was already walking back and forth at night for an hour or more sometimes I could spend 45 minutes getting a more intense workout and my steps in. 

So I tried it out. After the second day I couldn't lift my arms to wash my hair. That feeling went away the third day. I skipped two days the first week and made them up by doubling up on workouts the second.  After two or three weeks I had lost 2 or 3 inches off my waist, hips, and bust, and about 1-2 inches from my thighs. I never thought I would stick with it, so I didn't take those before-after photos, and my kids playing with my iphone erased my notes where I was tracking all my initial measurements. But things that I hadn't even been able to zipper suddenly fit like a glove. Those old pants from the thrift store were falling off my hips and looked terrible on me. My energy was through the roof. 

I sailed through the first five weeks. Not losing more than a pound or two. I was terrified about the second "Max" month - even considering not trying it and just redoing the first month. I did it anyway because I had thought I wouldn't be able to walk 10,000 steps every day. I had thought I wouldn't be able to complete 100,000 steps in a week. I decided before I started the second month that I would not weight myself until this was over. And that if I really want to give my weight-loss a chance, I would need to double down and not eat any sweets or junk food until the end of the program. I have lost another inch (documented on paper this time) from my hips, waist, bust and thighs, an additional 1/2 inch from my calves and 1/4 inch from my biceps, and those same zippable clothes are becoming positively lose on me.  

Currently I have two weeks left to finish the INSANITY program. Most days I look in the mirror and am positively happy about the way I look. I am starting to reshape my thoughts on weight loss. My clothes fit the same or better now that I'm ten pounds heavier than they did at my pre-baby weight. I have more energy and am spending better quality time with my family. I still want to see those original numbers back again and know that I've lost inches, but for the first time part of me is saying (in a tiny whisper) that maybe it doesn't matter what the scale says. 

I'm going to finish this session of INSANITY and see what's next. I expect it will be either a shorter duration program like T-25, or a combination of INSANITY and a running (I miss using that workout time to be outside!) / weight lifting regiment where I pick the video I want to do that night. I want to exercise five nights a week instead of the current six (being a mom is exhausting enough). I also don't think I'll want to count my steps unless I'm not exercising that day. However, given my remaining addiction to junk food, I may have to do that just to make sure I don't fall off the wagon completely. 

It's Already 2.2012

Like I said in last week's post, I've been on an unscheduled hiatus from my blog the past two months. From the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed I feel like I don't stop moving. Between getting both kids and ourselves ready for school / work, the time it takes to drop off / pickup, regular house stuff (like cleaning, making dinners, and paying bills) added to the increased work load at work and managing to pump / breastfeed on top of all that, I've had little time to blog.

Happily now things have "sort of" slowed down at work and I can get a few posts in here and there. I'm going to start back slowly; no promises or commitments for thrice a week postings; and I'll also be spreading out the content so that I have more time to write them on a more manageable schedule.


So what else have I been up to in 2012? Well, trying to get my work-life balance in order mostly. So I started 2012 like so many others do: with a resolution. That resolution was to make a list of resolutions really; one for each month. But I knew for me these resolutions had to be realistic, doable, and still make me feel accomplished at the end of the year. Important to note that this was the list. Laminated and finalized; no adding other resolutions (like "blog regularly" or "host a game night once a month") and over-stretching myself. Now of course I can do those other things, but my commitment is to do these things by the end of the year, without setting myself up to fail with other 'distractions'.

In January I decided to re-add flossing to my daily routine. Its one of those on-again, off-again things I got lazy with, and (TMI) during my pregnancies I had some pregnancy gingivitis. But from what I've been told, dental health can pay huge dividends in other areas of your health (and later on save you money!).

We also bought tickets for two different concerts (one coming up in March and the other in May). Concerts just didn't seem like all that much fun while I was pregnant so we haven't been to one in a few years!

Here's the others:

• Run a 5K (another thing I missed while pregnant)
• Learn to cook (to save money and get healthy!)
• Clean the attic (get organized... this is our #1 junk spot in our house)
• Get my cleaning plan together (eventually leading to less stress, live in a healthier environment, feel organized and let us have people over anytime!)
• Backup all my photos on DVD & create at least two albums (get organized)
• Learn to use my camera (have fun)
• Figure out how to "give back" more (have fun)
• Take a real vacation (have fun)
• Write a will (this one will stress me out until we do it)
• Rid myself of all the clothes that don't fit or make me feel good (enough said)

For me the over-arching goals of "have more fun", "get healthier", "stress less", "get organized", "save money" aren't realistic. However, I feel I can work towards them by setting smaller goals that "roll into" those bigger visions. I also wanted something to remind me of my goals throughout the year. And because it was fun to me, I made a mixed-font word-map with my resolutions in mind. This is on my refrigerator now. I love it.

Just a little trim...

On Saturday I got a haircut - and donated 10" of my hair to Locks of Love! Its been growing for about 2 years now - with the help of my pregnancy to speed it up. I hadn't had it cut in so long - months - and it had just gotten a little unhealthy. It was also hard to take care of with a nearly 9 month old pulling on it and spitting up in it.

Oh and I'm pregnant again - 16 weeks along - maybe you can see the baby bump in the first photo? So I'm feeling blah about my looks anyway and needed a change. :)

So here's the before and after of my new do... I LOVE it. I was a little nervous about it before hand - its a big change; the husband doesn't like short hair; would my face look fatter; will I be able to keep up with it? But I think its perfect for summer - and this pregnancy can help it speed up growing it back if I want it to. And its a nice thing to do.

My new "mom" hairstyle is actually about 12" shorter than my old one, and my hair was layered, so they wont be able to make a wig out of all my hair, but they can sell or whatever they do with shorter layers.

Cleaning Up After The Holidays

My house is still a mess of glitter, crafts, Santas and ornaments - let alone all of the gifts we have around the house. So I decided to do a bit of spring cleaning - and am getting rid of 1/4 of our DVD collection that we never watch or are duplicates. I've already got takers for 4 of the almost 30 movies below from my facebook friends.

I'm sure the bookshelf will fill itself back up soon enough though- with toys and movies especially for the little miss.

I've also been working on the laundry while watching the show Horders for the first time. And it made me realize that I'm a bit of a horder of cleaning rags for some reason- yikes.

So I cut it down only to what would fit in the basket... which is still more than 20 rags. Doesn't that look better? Gah, I love organizing.



Not My Stuff No More

With a whole new person and all her stuff to support and store, we're not waiting until the new year to clean out our closets. In the past month, we've gotten rid of 7 bags of clothes, 15+ pairs of shoes, 14 books and tons of miscellaneous items. Pluuus I've got a whole other shopping cart full of items to donate. Yikes - I keep a lot of crap.

Caps For Sale!

I love the children's book Caps For Sale. And my husband's hat collection seriously sent my memory back 20 or so years to that very book to when I laid it all out (I also found a few others in the wash and down stairs - so this isn't even all of them!). I asked him (nicely) to thin out his hat collection by at least 5- and he did.

I took one of these hats for myself, but we were able to give away about a dozen to Goodwill!

Dusting off my running shoes

15th - 18th - 20th - 22nd - 23rd - 25th - 26th. What do those dates have in common? They kicked off my new gym regimen this month!

I'm absolutely determined to get back in the fitness saddle - and my pre-baby jeans. It's been 3 months, I can't stand only having 4 pairs of pants that fit, and it is getting too cold for just dresses (heck, even the stockings aren't comfy on me yet).

So I'm taking full advantage of the first month free trial membership until my work has a good gym discount to offer me next month. I'm LOVING it so far - whether its a quick trip at lunch or getting up early before work... I haven't hated a minute of it yet!

I'm also contemplating doing a turkey-trot 5k. I can easily do a 5k on the elliptical, but haven't tried it running out in the open yet. Wish me luck!

Camera Envy

I have camera envy. My sister Val just got a Nikon SLR camera for her graduation - and I'm totally jealous. She's a wonderful photographer just with a point and shoot, and after week one, she's proving to be even more now that she's better equipped. So I want an SLR so I can be just like her.

However, my two cameras are only a year or two old - the petite Sony pocket point cybershot and shoot 1 year, and the larger Sony Cybershot is from two Christmases ago - so I can't justify buying new. I considered trading the big one in, but cameras are so cheap now that they wouldn't give me much for a two year old camera anyhow. PLUS, I realized Val has taken classes in photography - where she gets what the heck an F-Stop is and what ISO means. I don't. So I devised that I really must not be using my cameras to their fullest extent - perhaps only 40% of the current cameras' abilities- and by golly, if I'm going to spend another $500 on a camera (plus accessories), I best know the basics of how to use it; otherwise, I might just let the big expensive camera sit on the shelf and let my pocket camera do all the daily work.

So I'm giving myself an ultimatum. If I want a better camera - go and figure out how to use the ones I already have. I know my larger camera has a manual setting on it - as well as a few others (P, A, ISO), where they set the priorities for how the camera does it's thing. I just don't have the skills to identify which buttons to push yet! So I have a few paths I'm hoping to use in the next year:

1. Take an hour-long class at the camera store in-town
2. Join the monthly camera club at the library
3. Photograph the crap out of everything to learn on my own - especially mcNugget!
4. Take a few week non-credit class at the community college or school district (assuming mcNugget will give me the time)

But before McNugget shows on scene, I'll have to look elsewhere for my lovely subjects. Trotter just happened to be close at hand (well, truthfully, he's never far from being underfoot- where as you have to go looking for Missy under a table). Here's some of the many faces of Mr. No-Pants himself - you can tell he HATES having his picture taken ;)

Two of the Best Years

Two years ago today, I married my best friend. No really, I am one of the fortunate few to actually have changed a friendship into a life-long romance.

The past two years adventuring together has given us a lot of memories. We've had trips to enjoy (Italy, Baltimore, Las Vegas), celebrations with family and friends (engagements, weddings, graduations, baptisms, and of course world series baseball), and have collaborated on room-upon-room home improvements. We've both fretted and dreamed about the future - work, money and children. We've fought a bit, but enjoyed a lot more. We've been so very lucky that the past two years have been simple and easy for us - allowing us to get to know each other as husband and wife without the setting of any one particular situation directing us as to how to act.

And now, two months from today, we're expecting the blessing of our first-born. How will this shape us, and our roles to each other? What decisions will we make and what adventures will we take on? My hope is that we will find new avenues to learn more of who we want to be as individuals, and therefore create an even better couple than we've been in the past 10 years.

After two years of commitment, I know that there isn't anyone else I want to be my support. I pray that this love is only strengthened with time, that I can continue to see the man beside me as God sees him, and that I can be the air and light to help my husband grow that he has been to me. I hope that we both faithfully work every day to our marital goal, with the words inscribed in our wedding rings "Real Love Has No End".

My Faux Pas

Be forewarned, this is most likely going to come across as a bit of a rant. For the past nearly 2 years, I've struggled with society's version of right-and-wrong... regarding jewelery.

More specifically, how to wear my jewelery. When I got married 23+ months ago, society told me that I had to wear my wedding band 'closest to my heart', and have the engagement ring 'protecting it'. Well, society, maybe I like the look of my rings the other way around! Maybe I enjoy splitting the two apart sometimes and wearing my engagement ring on my right hand! And yes, I've gotten called out on those faux pas during these past 23 months; however, rebuking society I'll say "don't judge me!"

Getting married and flaunting all this wonderful ice on my left hand (and sometimes spreading it out to my right) also left me with a second conundrum. You know how some people just aren't hat people - or just aren't glasses people? Well, I lucked out in those two departments, but it seems that I'm just not a watch person. Well, not anymore, or unless I move my watch to my right wrist. My wedding and engagement bands clash with my watch... and its not the watch's fault either - the rings (which I LOVE) clash with any watch I try on! When wearing all three items on my left arm, it also leaves me feeling unbalanced, and my right arm looking neglected. But then, if I do make the social misstep of moving my favorite watches to the right wrist, I confuse people. "What do you mean you're right handed? You wear your watch on that hand!" Yes, people are very concerned about this - don't I know that you must wear a watch on my non-dominant hand? Well, I do know this, and have obeyed those socially restricting rules for most of my life. However, I'm throwing off the shackles of conformity to fight my own perception of ugliness and feelings of unbalanced dressing. I'm wearing my watch on my right hand! As a bonus, it helps the husband and I hold hands more comfortably - he IS left handed so our watches would often bump together when worn 'correctly'.

These are the things that I think about when getting dressed in the morning. And still, dispite my own opinion on the matter, I struggle with the internal 'does it really look that bad doing it society's way' debate daily. I have, on occasion worn my rings the 'right way' and with my watch on my 'right' (left) wrist. I'm definitely a color-inside-the-lines person. I wonder how mcNugget will be? Hopefully they won't stress about these silly things ever. I'm going to try and remember to encourage him/her to color however they want. Life's a lot less stressful that way, and sometimes it makes you more creative.

10 Things I Hate About Me

Late night earlier this week, I discovered a show on the Style network called What I Hate About Me. They redid parts of this girl's house, her wardrobe & hair gave her cooking lessons and had an emotional intercession about getting over her ex - all to help her with the top ten things she hated about her life. They were definitely simple changes - everything was done in a day - but it was a neat concept.

So here's my list of the ten things I'd like to change about my life:

1. I hate that the dogs are often out of control & sleep in my bed
2. I hate that I can never get on top of the laundry - EVER.
3. I hate that I don't have a list or system for dinners every night and that I resort to the fastest / easiest thing to snack on or go out to eat
4. I hate that my house is full of junk without a cohesive style
5. I hate that I feel that I am not doing as much with my life for others and the community / world as I could be, or that I haven't done something grand yet (i.e. write a book, travel as a missionary to a 3rd world country, etc.).
6. I hate that I don't know what my next job / career move should be.
7. I hate that I feel I'm in a style rut compared to my college-age sisters, that I'm feeling old because I haven't done anything all that daring in my life, and that I'm not feeling sexy anymore.
8. I hate feeling out of control with my finances.
9. I hate that I worry about everything all the time.
10. I hate that I have a bad back, turf toe, TMJ and worrisome moles that need to be checked out all the time.

What I love about this list is that its all changeable - either by changing my perspective or by a 'just do it if its going to make me happy' action plan. I love that this is my actual list - that there aren't any huge problems that can't be taken care of on it - it shows me how great I really do have it in this life.

Tomorrow, for my birthday, I'll post a list of the top 10 things I love about my life to give this list some balance.

Haiti & My January Contribution

Continuing with my goal from last year to participate charitably in something every month, I decided to donate some money (and a couple of prayers) to a Haiti earthquake relief fund. Its situations like this that make me so glad for the safety of my family and friends, for the general peace my life has had to date, and the ability to help others. My friend posted this link on Facebook: https://donate.pih.org/page/contribute/haiti_earthquake?source=earthquake&subsource=homepage

She also posted about a website called Charity Navigator, which ranks charities. It makes me feel a lot safer knowing my money is going somewhere real - and to my mother's point, mostly to its operational efforts, not to the "fundraising machine".

Resolve: And I Don't Mean The Carpet Cleaner

So even in a new decade, I'm back to my old tricks again... wishing I had better control of the clutter, the food and the money. Here are my new years resolutions:

1. Get rid of the junk! I've "hired" my sister (can you pay a sister with hugs?) to help me establish a yard sale to get rid of all the "stuff" in my house that we don't want or need. I'll be putting a few things on Craigslist and maybe trying out ebay as well, but the stuff has to go. Difficulty rating: 2.5/5 stars

2. Minimize eating out! Getting rid of the junk doesn't just mean in the house, it means in my food as well. I want to start cooking more at home to eat better (helps to know what goes into the fooding process). Plus I hate not having a plan for when I get home - I always get too hungry and just pick the junk from our local takeout place. The target is to only eat out on special occasions. Difficulty rating: 3/5 stars

3. Save Money! By combining #1 & 2 as well as taking a harder look at my finances, I want to see if I can actually pay off my credit card bill by year's end and operate entirely on a cash basis. I'll feel a lot better about buying that next big ticket item if I can say I paid for it with cash. Difficulty Rating: 5/5 stars

When Did Gratuity Become Mandatory?

I just read about a couple from Bethlehem, PA who were arrested for not leaving a tip. Now, the bill was marked with a mandatory 18% because they had 6 other people - but if the service was that bad and they explained that when they paid the rest of the bill, why would the restaurant call the police? Are you serious? In my opinion, a tip should be a tip. You are allowed to sway and/or guilt patrons into paying you a tip, but it is gratuity! you're supposed to be thankful for the service! If you're not happy - you shouldn't have to pay!

This is where we should really take after restaurants in Europe and other countries around the world - where tips aren't given, or if they are they are small - just enough to say "thanks". Heck, there are restaurants that even allow you to pay what you think the food is worth- not what they demand. I really think that people need to rethink their interaction with customers and the quality of service they give. Even if you didn't get the $16, is it worth all that bad media and potential legal fees?

I may not be a crazy out-of-this-world tipper, but i believe that most of teh time, the service isn't out of this world either. If we really tipped based on performance, don't you think the resturants, experience and employees would be better? Guess we know what restaraunt I won't be visiting anytime soon!!

Dating My Clothes

I have more clothes than I need, and lately I've been on a serious kick to purge the ugly, worn and ill-fitting from my closets. That being said, I have trouble not buying new stuff as well. I recently bought a few things from the outlets (the sales were just too good to pass up!), including a new pair of jeans from the Gap. I didn't need new jeans, but I needed ones that fit me right. Plus I've gotten so many compliments on my other "Long and Lean" pair from 10+ years ago, that I figured I might as well buy another and purge some of my low-riding college jeans I shouldn't have bought in the first place.

So while I was hanging out my newly washed clothes on the line to dry, I realized that the tags said "Fall 09". Wow, dated clothes? Do the marketers understand that I have a pair of Umbreu shorts from 17+ years ago in my closet that still fit me (thanks to the very elastic waste band)? Do they really want me to purge and buy when I see my clothes are from five plus years ago? Do they really want me to let go of that fashionable mustard yellow turtleneck with the short sleeves because I bought it in 1998? Mustard Yellow is coming back into style people!

Yes, I know silly question to ask of the marketers, but will it help or hurt me? I would probably purge a lot more stuff, but would I buy even more? Would others be willing to pick it up from the Good Will? I can't imagine seeing 1977 sweater and wanting them; but with the right dry-cleaner retro is cool too I guess.

Running A-ways - Part 3

I've been trying to train pretty hard (long jogs 5 days a week) for my first 5K race, and yesterday I finally did it. I ran 3.3 miles!! (a 5K is 3.1 miles) It took me 36 minutes and 35 seconds, and it felt wonderful. I'm the girl who couldn't finish the mile in high school, and I'm running able to run 3 miles a day... I love this feeling!!