To my husband, on the occasion of our fifth wedding anniversary.

From the glass dish besides my bed, I put on my wedding band and my engagement ring, as I do every morning. Today I also put on my pearl earrings that dangle that my mother gave me, stored in one of those incredibly soft emerald green jewelers boxes. They always seem too fancy to wear - which is silly considering I put diamond rings on my fingers every morning - but today is our fifth wedding anniversary. 

I put on my white Rampage high heeled shoes, the same I wore five years ago. Then consider the two thirty-something pound toddlers I have to heft to daycare, and with a bit of remorse on my face, I grab the more sensible blue and yellow Keds I wore for dancing. I throw the heels in my already overflowing purse. 

"Remember to keep your eyes open on your wedding day, and take time to commit the moments to memory. The day will go by too fast and the next day it will all be a complete blur." She was right. Already so many of those moments have been lost. 

 

Last week, I watched our wedding video with our nearly-three year old daughter on my lap. She's pointing out people asking names, asking why she's not there. 

May 24th, 2008

I was 26 and knew I was ready for this marriage. I beamed as I got my hair done that day. I ate the chicken salad sandwiches on pocket pitas  and mimosas my aunts had prepared in my kitchen. We hid the two dogs in the upstairs bedroom, and my friends, sisters and cousins and I got dressed in what was then our guest bedroom, now our nursery for our two toddlers. The tiara, the pearl necklace, the garter. My sister laced up my corset, and we tucked in a rosary and custom embroidered handkerchief into the hidden pocket I had the seamstress put into the full skirts of my gown. I came downstairs and kissed my father - tears in his eyes. I was still his angel baby, his first born, getting ready to be someone's wife.  

With the gorgeous blue skies and perfect white puffy clouds, the trolley pulled up - a necessary splurge with 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. I got in and hung on to the shined brass metal poles, laughing the 20 minute drive it would take us to get to the church. There were no nerves - just happiness. 

The walk down the aisle with my dad holding my hand, my family on the left, yours on the right.  I remember him having to slow me down, I was in such a rush to get there, he was not in a rush to let me go. He kisses me - did he do that? I don't remember; I whisper something - probably "I love you" in his ear. My soon-to-be husband takes my hand and we sit on the left side of the alter, trying our best to listen to the priest with his prayers, reflections on the readings we had agonized over choosing for our family to read. You kept squeezing my hand. I would glance at you in your perfect tux with your perfect, freshly cut hair. All I wanted was to be your wife. 

Then we walked to the center of the alter, joined by the massive bridal party that could barely fit in our photos. I bounced excitedly in my white wedding heels. We gave our promises, forevermore in front of family and God. Moment's later I didn't remember the words we had said - it really was all a blur - but as I watch the video I know I said them and they were etched onto my heart. 

I put your band on your hand, you put mine on me. It wouldn't go on easily and the priest made a joke about how I had one too many donuts the night prior. My mouth hangs open in shock as I laughingly turn to face the crowed gathered to see us get married then I quickly reply "two too many" with a laugh as we turn back to the rings. The inside of my ring reads "Real Love". The inside of yours says "Has No End". 

We kissed. One of those "I'm in love with you and you are mine, but this is a church" sort of kisses. Applause. Did I hear them? I'm not sure. We turn and walk holding hands through what was now one family. 

Laughter with our fourteen closest friends - beers in a cooler one of the groomsmen had the foresight to remember. Miller Light from a can in my wedding gown with still-perfect makeup in a moving trolley. The groomsmen make jokes. The bridesmaids take photos. 

At the reception, more photos - a very fancy string quartet as our guests snack on hors devours. They introduce us to Ants Marching by Dave Matthews - on of your favorite bands, then we go right into our first dance as man and wife. I start to tear up- listening to the beautiful song "We Are Man and Wife" by Michelle Featherstone. You tell me not to cry- I've done so well all day. 

A prayer from my matron of honor, speeches from my maid of honor and your brother-slash-best man , then food, cake. "Your paying for all this delicious food, remember to eat" someone had told me before the wedding. I made sure I to eat a little of everything. More laughter, more dancing - this time in the blue and yellow Keds. 

May 24th, we both always seem to forget the actual date, for some reason mixing it up with May 25th. I thought I knew what love was like then - and I ran towards it, jumping and laughing with that child-like joy that still flows through me on special occasions. 

Since that day, we've been a set pair. We've traveled to Italy, Baltimore, North Carolina, Las Vegas and Utah. We have done and redone countless home improvement projects. We ran our first 5K. I learned to cook a little and you learned to cook more. We've celebrated through job promotions and held each other through job loss. We've handled the stress of paying bills and giddily purchased iPhones and a new bed. We've given each other two amazingly beautiful children. The girl looks just like me, but with blond hair to my dark locks, and the boy is a pint-sized you.  

Five years ago I thought I knew what love was and ran towards it. I had no clue what an amazing life I was running into; all my days since then have gone by way too fast and have all been a complete blur. I'm so very excited to learn in the next 5, 10 and 50 years what love really is. I promise to try and keep my eyes open and commit each second we're given together to memory.